When I was growing up, our former neighbors, whom
we’ll call the Sloans, were the only couple on the block without kids. It wasn’t
that they couldn’t have children; according to Mr. Sloan, they just chose not
to. All the other parents, including mine, thought it was odd-even tragic. So
any bad luck that befell the Sloans-the egging of their house one Halloween; the
landslide that sent their pool careering to the street below-was somehow
attributed to that fateful decision they’d made so many years before. "Well, "
the other adults would say, "you know they never did have kids." Each time I
visited the Sloans, I’d search for signs of insanity, misery or even regret in
their superclean home. yet I never seemed to find any. From what I could tell,
the Sloans were happy, maybe even happier than my parents, despite the fact that
they were childless. My impressions may have been swayed by the
fact that their candy dish was always full, but several studies now show that
the Sloans could well have been more content than most of the traditional
families around them. In Daniel Gilbert’s 2006 book Stumbling on Happiness, the
Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that
marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first
child-and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains
that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time
with their kids. Other data cited by 2008’s Gross National Happiness author,
Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely
to report being happy than the childless. The most recent
comprehensive study on the emotional state of those with kids shows us that the
term "bundle of joy" may not be the most accurate way to describe our offspring.
"’Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent
positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless
peers, "says Florida State University’s Robin Simon, a sociology professor who’s
conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out
in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13, 000 Americans by the National
Survey o1 Families and Households." In fact, no group of parents — married,
single, step or even empty nest — reported significantly greater emotional
well-being than people who never had children. It’s such a counterintuitive
finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to
happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not." Parents may
openly lament their lack of sleep, hectic schedules and difficulty in dealing
with their surly teens, but rarely will they cop to feeling depressed due to the
everyday rigors of child rearing. "If you admit that kids and parenthood aren’t
making you happy, it’s basical blasphemy, "says Jcn Singer, a stay-at-home
mother of two from New Jersey who runs the popular parenting blog MommaSaid.
net. "From baby-lotion commercials that make motherhood look happy and well
rested, to commercials for Disney World where you’re supposed to fccl like a kid
because you’re there with your kids, we’ve made parenthood out to be one
blissful moment after another, and it’s disappointing when you find out it’s
not." Is it possible that American parents have always been
this disillusioned Anecdotal evidence says no. In pre-industrial America,
parents certainly loved their children, but their offspring also served a
purpose-to work the farm, contribute to the household. Children were a
necessity. Today, we have kids more for emotional reasons, but an increasingly
complicated work and social environment has made finding satisfaction far more
difficult. A key study by University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Sara McLanahan and
Julia Adams, conducted some 20 years ago, found that parenthood was perceived as
significantly more stressful in the 1970s than in the 1950s; the researchers
attribute part of that change to major shifts in employment patterns. The
majority of American parents now work outside the home, have less support from
extended family and face a deteriorating education and health-care system, so
raising children has not only become more complicated-it has become more
expensive. Today the U. S. Department of Agriculture estimates that it costs
anywhere from $134, 370 to $ 237, 520 to raise a child from birth to the age of
17-and that’s not counting school or college tuition. No wonder parents are
feeling a little blue. How arc the pre-industrial parents different from the parents today
A. Their children are happier than those today.
B. The children were a necessity to them.
C. They have kids for emotional reasons.
D. Children make them more stressful.