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Attention in the First Four Minutes When do people decide
whether or not they want to become friends During their first four minutes
together, according to a book by Dr. Leonard Zunin. In his book, "Contact: The
first four minutes", he offers this advice to anyone interested in starting new
friendships:" (46) . A lot of people’s whole lives would
change if they did just that. " You may have noticed that the
average person does not give his undivided attention to someone he has just
met. (47) . If anyone has ever done this to you, you probably
did not like him very much. When we are introduced to new
people, the author suggests, we should try to appear friendly and
self-confident. In general, he says," People like people who like themselves.
" On the other hand, we should not make the other person think
we are too sure of ourselves. It is important to appear interested and
sympathetic, realizing that the other person has his own needs, fears, and
hopes. Hearing such advice, one might say," But I’m not a
friendly, self-confident person. That’s not my nature. It would be dishonest for
me to that way. " (48) . We can become
accustomed to any changes we choose to make in our personality. "it is like
getting used to a new car. It may be unfamiliar at first, hut it goes much
better than the old one. " But isn’t it dishonest to give the
appearance of friendly self-confidence when we don’t actually feel that way
Perhaps, but according to Dr. Zunin," total honesty" is not always good for
social relationships, especially during the first few minutes of contact. There
is a time for everything, and a certain amount of play-acting may be best for
the first few minutes of contact with a stranger. That is not the time to
complain about one’s health or to mention faults one finds in other people. It
is not the time to tell the whole truth about one’s opinions and
impressions. (49) . For a husband and wife
or a parent and child, problems often arise during their first four minutes
together after they have been apart. Dr. Zunin suggests that these first few
minutes together be treated with care. If there are unpleasant matters to be
discussed, they should be dealt with later. The author says that
interpersonal relations should be taught as a required course in every school,
along with reading, writing, and mathematics. (50) . That is
at least as important as how much we know. A．In reply. Dr. Zunin
would claim that a little practice can help us feel comfortable about changing
our social habits B．Much of what has been said about strangers
also applies to relationships with family members and friends.
C．In his opinion, success in life depends mainly on how we get along with
other people. D．Every time you meet someone in a social
situation, give him your undivided attention for four minutes.
E．He keeps looking over the other person’s shoulder, as if hoping to find
someone more interesting in another part of the room. F．He is
eager to make friends with everyone.