Most of us, when young, had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time, we may have resented this intruder— but as we grew older, we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that “caused” the break, but the lack of a real relationship. 我们中的多数人年轻时也许都有过情人被某个更漂亮、更具魅力的人夺走的经历。当时，我们也许怨恨这位“窃贼”，但是，随年岁的增长，我们认识到：所谓情人，原本就不属于我们。不是“窃贼”“导致”决裂，而是本来就缺乏真实的关系。