TEXT D My mother’s hands are deep
in cabbage leaves, her sleeves pushed up past her elbows, as she sifts through
water, salt, and vegetable. Beneath her nails are saffron flakes of red pepper
powder. My mother wears an apron; under it her stomach is full and round. The
apron is blue with red borders. I remember she bought it one day at Woodward’s
on sale. I sit at the kitchen table beneath a peach-painted
ceiling and a chandelier with oversized plastic teardrops. Every now then I get
up and walk over to the counter, peer into the yellow tub, watch, pretend to
watch, and then sit down again. Across from me, the little knick-knacks my
mother loves so much--ceramic flowers, Delfts-blue miniature vases, a figurine
forever windblown -- are arranged carefully upon the window sill.
My mother’s hands are thin-skinned, pale, spotted and freckled with age
and sun. The nails are thick, almost yellow. A few strands of hair, not quite
black, fall over her forehead and her mouth is slightly open, the tip of her
tongue just visible between her teeth as she lifts and mixes the cabbage leaves.
"Are you paying attention" she wants to know, and I nod at ceramic flowers,
Delfts-blue miniature vases, a figurine forever windblown. Kim
chee is pickled cabbage. Friends always ask me for bottles of the stuff: Mama
Kim’s special recipe, they tease. I pass this onto my mother and she grumbles
and laughs, embarrassed, pleased. My mother’s hands lie in my
lap and I touch them carefully, lift them like small, live animals, fit them
into the plans of my own hands, turn them over and think of crab-hunting as a
child and a trail of overturned, shell-encrusted sea rocks. Once
I told my mother that I would like to photograph her hands, and she peered down
at them, lifted her hands up to her face suspiciously as if seeing them for the
first time. "My hands" she asked, and I went and fetched some skin lotion from
the bathroom. Her hands were too dry. I had her sit on the couch
in the living-room. The couch was floral-patterned and she sat in the centre of
it, awkward, distracted. I took the pictures, head-to-toe shots, some of her
hands alone. They lay limply in her lap. She held one hand with the other. She
didn’t know what else to do with them. I took the pictures. Every ten minutes or
so she got up and walked to the kitchen, checked the oven, the various pots. My
father walked by once, and joked, "How about my hands" The
cabbage leaves are washed and salted and rinsed. This much I remember. A
winter’s sun floats in through the window, plays weakly with the plastic
tear-drops, falls down onto the kitchen table, onto my own hands. I suppose they
will soon look like hers. I get up, restless, lean over the
counter, try to concentrate. Every year for the last five years or so I have
asked my mother to teach me how to pickle cabbage. Every year I have watched her
hands, seen the aprons change, the stomach grow more round -- the cabbage leaves
are washed and salted and rinsed. This much I remember. I take
the rolls of film to a friend who knows something about photography. He develops
them and is impressed. He sees a small Asian woman, smiling hesitantly into a
camera, lost among the flowers of living-room couches. She is tired and stiff.
My friend doesn’t even notice her hands. He calls the photos "real", I call them
"disappointing". The kim chee is just made so it is not quite
ripe, but we eat a little of it at dinner, anyway. My father tells me his story
about villagers who ran away during the war, as the bombs came down, with
earthenware kim chee pots in their arms. It is favourite, not quite-ripe kim
chee story. When the winter sunlight comes through the kitchen
window, tear-refracted onto my own hands. I stop writing and put down my pen. My
mother asks, "What are you writing. And I tell her that I am writing about kim
chee. She laughs, "You don’t even know how to make it". The
rice, the bulgogi, the chap thee are eaten. The kim chee is returned to its
plastic icecream container. My mother and my father tell more stories to each
other as I clear the table. They speak quickly in their own language, animated,
alive. For a few moments I am forgotten, the daughter who would be bored by such
stories. I put the dishes away. Strange, that it has never been strange not to
understand them. I go through the photographs once again,
wondering what it is that is missing or that I’m not seeing. I spread them out
onto the kitchen table. My mother looks over my shoulder and makes a sound, a
familiar, all-purpose clicking of the tongue. "All that film... ", she says as
she walks back to the stove. I look at the photographs and I
look at my mother in her woodward’s apron, her hands holding chopsticks, wooden
spoons, the handles of pots and pans. I look at her hands and they are alive.
They speak quickly. And this, I guess, is all I really need to remember. What’s the attitude of the author towards her mother
A.The author looks down upon her mother. B.The author is full of love for her mother. C.The author is full of pity for her mother. D.The author is bored with her mother.